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Marshall Jones

By Marshall Jones

You know those moments as a parent when you look back at a fairly recent photograph of your child and are struck at how much they have grown in such a short time? Or when grandparents see the kids for the first time in six months and they can’t believe how big they’ve gotten and you go: “Really? Have they?”

We had one of those the other day—with our Hydro bill. Our monthly bills are based on last year’s power consumption and the difference is made up at the end of the year. Sometimes we save a few bucks. This time, we had to pay. Five Hundred Dollars.

“How could we have possibly used that much more power this year?” I asked my smarter half.

She threw a nod at the kids and reminded me what daily tank-sucking showers for two boys this year might look like in terms of money.

“They’re getting so big,” she said.

“Really? Are they?”

No… not yet…. My long term financials were based on teen consumption impacting us at age 13 not 9. Is this possible? I tried to remember when my parents started blathering and complaining about stuff I never understood. They made no sense blathering on about silly stuff. Take showers because they don’t use so much hot water, they said.

“I do take showers,” I’d say.

“Then why are you in there so long?”

“Because I run the shower to fill the bath tub, then I have to drain some of the cold so I can fill it with hot.”

After that, I wasn’t allowed to have Shaths anymore, but I could have a short shower every day, if I wished. Nooooow, I get it.

And the more I thought about it, the more the signs have been creeping up on me for a long time. We go through a loaf of bread a day, most days. The other night they ate an entire pizza by themselves and moved onto mine. The only thing that slows me and the forklift I need at Costco every month is the ironic dual-income-no-kids set with nothing else to do on a Sunday.

My parents used to complain about the food, too. Like the time they bought a side of beef because it was cheaper in bulk and then got mad because I fed all the T-bone steaks to my friends. I suppose that’s why we never went out to dinner and why bread was occasionally a meal. Turns out they weren’t just complaining for no good reason. Huh.

Faced with this new reality, you make changes. That means chores because I expect return for my investment the same way a dairy farmer expects return when he buys hay. That means just because you don’t like crusts doesn’t mean you can waste good filler, er, bread. And it definitely means time limits on showers and consequences when they are missed.

I had to confront one of my kids the other day for a long shower.

“I didn’t have a long shower,” was the response. “That’s how long it takes to fill the tub.”

I thought of my parents as my face turned red and I counted slowly to 10. I pictured them laughing.

marshall@kelowna.com