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Canwest News Service
There comes a time in every action hero's life when he — and it's always a he — decides that a movie in which he pits his tough-guy persona against a gaggle of children would be box-office gold.
Sometimes the reasons are obvious. Arnold Schwarzenegger chose to make Kindergarten Cop — and deliver the memorable line, "It's naht a tuma!" in 1990, a year after the birth of his first child. When Vin Diesel played a Navy SEAL charged with protecting a famous scientist's wife and five kids in The Pacifier, he was within spitting distance of his 40th birthday, which can make actors do silly things.
The latest tough guys to take on babysitting duties are Jackie Chan in The Spy Next Door and former wrestler Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson in The Tooth Fairy.
The trailer for The Spy Next Door opens with a shot of a satellite in orbit, looking down at the exploits of Chan's character, Bob Ho. (Is it just me getting tired of all these satellite establishing shots? Watch the trailers for Get Smart and G-Force and you can see identical high-orbital images. Seems a lazy way to say: The movie you're about to watch takes place somewhere on Earth.)
The plot is set up in nine easy words from co-star Amber Valletta: "Do me a favour; can you watch my kids?" But of course the kids are mean to him, and he proves to have no credibility with them. (Fifty-five-year-old martial arts stars should not use the term "rad.") Then he reveals that's he's an international spy on loan to the CIA. And there's no need to worry about security; kids are well known for their ability to keep important state secrets.
At this point, Chan proves his prowess at fighting with knives, pots and pans, in fact everything including the kitchen sink. And yes, a small animal is terrorized and someone gets hit in the crotch.
The Tooth Fairy has a slightly more elaborate setup, but at least it doesn't involve any shots of communications satellites. Dwayne Johnson plays Derek Thompson (no point in changing his name too radically, I guess), a hockey goon whose nickname comes from his habit of separating opposing players from their bicuspids. He also destroys children's dreams by telling them there is no tooth fairy, other than the one he plays on ice.
All around, a pretty despicable type. That is, until he receives a summons from no less an authority than Julie Andrews, sentencing him to a spell of community service as a tooth fairy. This pits the hockey tough guy against cranky kids, angry dogs and Billy Crystal — think of him as James Bond's Q branch leader, but for tooth fairies. And yes, a small animal is terrorized and someone gets hit in the crotch. Some things never get old.
The Tooth Fairy opens Jan. 15, one week before The Spy Next Door. It also beats the other film in the most-annoying-catchphrase department with the one-two punch of "The tooth hurts" and "You can't handle the tooth." Oh, and Johnson steals his own catchphrase from The Kool-Aid Guy (or, if you watch Toronto television, from Russell Oliver, the second-hand jewellery guy): "I'm the tooth fairy. Oh yeah."
